Communication and understanding

Communication within a relationship:

This week was pretty fascinating. We learned all about different methods of communication and body language that is found in a relationship. We talked about ways we can communicate better and some habits to avoid. Some of the things we talked about was how to intelligently listen and communicate problems. Being open minded and receptive to the things your partner is saying is super important. Many people choose to communicate their problems in a way that pleases the person they are dating. They may fear to upset them, and talk about their problems in a way that doesn’t communicate everything they are feeling. Similarly, listeners sometimes lack courtesy in their responses and either cut off their partner, or quickly flip it on them in order to maintain power in the relationship. Neither of these are healthy. There should never be power seeking or manipulation within a relationship. This is unhealthy and does not allow the same great communication that they could have had. As previously mentioned, it is also extremely important to communicate honestly the things you are feeling. It is appropriate to voice concerns In a mature/respectful way. This allows for growth in the relationship as the couple comes together to attack the problem and not each other. Only honesty will allow that to work.

One of the things I love most about my dad is his love and respect for my mom. On their anniversary he posted “A lot of people say that marriage is hard. Ive never felt that way since June of 1996.” I felt like applauding. My parents have always tackled things together. They went through years of financial difficulty and let those experiences build them into a stronger marriage; not break them. Their communication has always been so great and something I want in my future marriage.

Another aspect of understanding those we marry is understanding how they feel love. Many recognize the 5 love languages as a baseline for understanding the needs of those we love. They are pretty great, and have helped me understand how to express love to those who feel differently from me. For instance, Im a guy who loves quality time. As long as I get to see those I love, Im happy as can be. I express my love a lot through words of affirmation and physical touch. I know a lot of people who feel love differently. I have a good friend who LOVES shopping for those she cares about. That’s never been something that I care about much, but Ive tried showing my love to her in that way because I know that means the most to her.

My mom has a whole different love language of her own. Clean. She loves a clean house and will appreciate small efforts to clean it more than anyone I know. When I got old enough to understand this I tried to go out of my way to clean around the house and surprise her. This made her feel loved and deepened our relationship. This takes some observation because the love languages of those we care about are often things that we personally don’t need. But by being conscious of the way the people around us feel loved, we can make an effort that will make them happy.

Communication and understanding are two of the most important things we can work on. I remember a talk I heard once. The speaker said that the number one thing we should pray for is an understanding heart. I have always remembered that. We should pray not only to understand the difficulties our loved ones go through, but understand how we can love them more.