Divorce

Divorce

One of the things we learned about this week was the impact of divorces and remarried families. This is one of the hardest things that a person can go through and can be so destructive for children and loved ones. This topic is especially close to me as we had a very close family friend experience this and been there for her when she was going through it all. Remarriage can be a great, healing thing or it can be destructive.

For respect for their privacy I will call the couple gary and eva. Gary and Eva met in college and happily dated for months before marrying and starting a family. They went to church, lived close to their in laws and seemed like the perfect couple. They had so many fun adventures and just seemed so perfect. It turned out during all of this that gary was addicted to pornography and it had a toll on their marriage since the beginning. Eva tried to help him through it, but he kept falling back into it. Eventually he used the late hours away from home for work to have an affair. Eva was heartbroken, but wanted to fix things because she loved him. He told her that he wasn’t interested in fixing things and pursued a divorce. He married the girl he had an affair with and left the church. Their son, josh, hardly ever gets to see his dad. His dad never calls and only has him over for a couple weeks a year. This has been super hard for josh because he loves his dad and can see how his dads life is miserable.

Remarriage for the two has been entirely different because of where they are at personally. Eva moved away, heartbroken and alone. She struggled with her grief for a couple years before she met a recently divorced man named keith. His wife had left the church and left him with a few kids. The two dated and eventually got married. Keith is one of the greatest men I have ever met and their marriage has been absolutely wonderful. He embraced Josh as if josh was his own and they constantly spend time together. Keith coaches josh’s teams and is the father that gary never was. This is so important for fathers to do in this situation. Its easy for children to feel distant from their step fathers because they aren’t theirs. Taking the one on one time has been a blessing for their family and for josh. Making him feel loved and included. They have been sealed together in the temple and are living their happily ever after.

Gary’s life has been the opposite since the divorce. He has cheated and remarried 3 or 4 times, is into drugs and alcohol and has tattoos covering his whole body. He seems so lost and upset and like something is missing from his life. He is distant from his old friends and broke his parents hearts. My parents still love him with all their hearts and we still pray for and think about him, but his life has been turned upside down because of his mistakes. I will say this. It can happen to anyone if we aren’t careful. He served a full time mission, is one of the most outgoing and fun people you will ever meet.

I came into this assignment thinking I would talk about something different but this was the direction that I felt to take it. Divorce is such a heartbreaking thing. If we remain faithful to the gospel and take the appropriate time to heal and become okay ourselves first, remarriage can be a wonderful thing. But if we don’t sort ourselves out it can be a very challenging thing.