Theories of the family

Theories of the family

This week in class we learned about some of the theories that help family psychologists analyze the family. Having a basic understanding of these can help us to better solve conflicts within the family and understand the perspectives of others in our family.

The first we learned about was the conflict theory. The conflict theory observes that societies and families consist of various races, economic classes, and genders. These divisions cause conflicts as different groups seek resources and control. This can happen within a family as there may be certain economic imbalances and concern over gender roles. Many attribute a traditional controlling attitude of men in the family to the fact that they average larger incomes than their spouses. Similarly gender roles have been an increasingly hot topic within the family. It is important to understand these conflicts in order that we can make sensitive choices that do good instead of harm. Marriage should be an equal partnership where husbands treasure and respect their wives and vice versa. Financial decisions should be made together, regardless of who holds the job. By working through them together, we can avoid the pitfalls of the conflict theory and have unified families.

The second theory we learned about was the exchange theory. This involves a costs vs rewards analysis within a relationship that is mostly done sub consciously. People want to feel important within a relationship. They want the physical intimacy, emotional support, and quality time that comes with a relationship. They are willing to put up with imperfections, be there to support their partners, because it is worth it to them. When people begin to view relationships as one sided or unequal, they tend to end them. It is so important, then, for us to show this sort of love to the people in our lives. We should spend time serving them, listening to them, and find little ways to manifest our care. If we spend the rest of our lives thinking about how to make our spouses happy, our marriages and family life will be happier.

The third theory is the symbolic interaction theory. This theory talks about the perception of situations and the effect it can have in a relationship. This deals with misunderstandings that can be solved through open communication. For example, a husband could be concerned when his wife has a seemingly upset look on her face every morning when they wake up. He might assume that she is angry at him and then manages to hide it throughout the day. This might put him on edge and effect the relationship, when in fact, she is simply sleepy in the morning and does not even recognize that she looks that way. If they talked about it, she could explain this and it would not bother him anymore. By understanding that misunderstandings happen and having a willingness to talk through them will improve the quality of our relationships. The more open we can be to our spouses, the better.

The last theory is the family systems theory. This defines families as systems with unique rules and relationships that govern the family. It is important for us to understand our family system so that we can abide by the rules of our family and work to treasure them. Our traditions and family rules play a big part of this. For example, in my family we say “fair dincum” to express absolute truth. If someone asks you fair dincum about something, everyone understands that our honor is attached to our response and would NEVER respond fair dincum back unless it was the absolute truth. In my whole life I can only remember breaking this once, at a young age. This tradition came about because of my dad’s mission to Australia but has become a huge part of our family system and is a rule that governs our family.